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Mealtime manners and conversation!
Wisdom from Pam: I had this dream of having these wonderful, inspiring mealtime conversations, but the reality was we were just a regular family with a bunch of little kids who didn't know how to eat properly. The one good thing we did was to continue to sit down together regardless of how we felt. We continued to work on manners, but we tried to not discuss them during dinner as it always ruined dinner. (my dh would think I was being too perfect and I thought he was too sloppy). It worked best for me to discuss them during lunch and we would practice then.
I'm afraid that our dinners were pretty much un-inspired for so many years. Certainly not what I dreamed they would be. Our conversation was more like,"Quick, somebody grab a towel before the milk runs down the crack on to the floor!" This went on for many years without much hope of those wonderful conversations I was longing for. However.... NOW, we have the best conversations that dinner takes hours to finish sometimes! We discuss so much! Many times our discussions start during the dinner prep and goes right on through the cleanup. My dream has arrived and will continue on for many more years! We have so much discussion that we have to curb it sometimes so we can get on to other things!
How did we get from ordinary to extraordinary? I think due to the verses in Gal 6:7-9 which say that whatsoever a man sows that he shall also reap. It was being faithful in the little things. The big things come by themselves when you take care of the little things.
 | We serve the food in platters on the table so I can get a hot meal. In fact now that there are so many of us I serve each entree in two dishes, one on a lazy susan at each end of the table. |
| We spank for food throwing. |
| No gross talk is allowed. (Once when we were serving steak for the first time in years, my sister, who worked at a ranch, asked, "Do you know how they butcher cows?") |
| Speak one at a time (I confess that at my home, discussions can get so lively that we can end up all shouting to be heard over the din--but hey, that's okay--we are all enjoying each other.) We let little ones have their turn, but I like for them to do mostly listening to the older ones--they might learn something. When mine were all little, we tried to have them listen while dh and I discussed things. This worked sometimes and not other times. I say to not stress over it--it will happen if you keep at it. |
| Ask politely for the food to be passed. |
| Say please and thank-you. |
| Put your napkin in your lap. |
| Don't talk with your mouth full (haha--I say this one all
the time: "Don't eat with your mouth full!" It never fails to get
a huge laugh. Remember that God gives grace to the
humble(d).
From LaNel: It's always been real important to me for us all to have dinner together, so it's something we've always done.... so I don't really know any other way, so I'll just tell you what we do... (you know, one of those "I-don't-know-how-I-do-it,-I-just-*do*-it kind of things)-- Somewhere around 5 pm (I'm being real honest, here!) I start wondering what I should make for dinner. So I get dinner started (like thawing out the meat <g>) and have the kids empty the dw (or I start running it <bg> so we can eat off of plates and not paper towels). Then I nurse the baby, and have the kids set the table. If dinner's not finished cooking by then, (it is if it's frozen pizza <bg>... this is getting embarrassing!) I let them watch a video or do some more chores if I have any patience left (usually not! <vbg> ). Hopefully, by this time, Papa's home, so I yell "supper's ready!" and they all climb up to the table. The baby is in the high chair, the toddler is in a booster seat at the table, and the other four sit in chairs or on the bench at the table. Then we pray. We take turns; Sunday is Papa's day, Monday is Mama's, Tuesday is Bobby's (the eldest), etc... Then we dish up the plates, and no one is supposed to eat until Mama is sitting down and begins to eat. This is honoring the cook, to not eat until she picks up her fork. We often have to remind them, and I try really hard to get everything on the table before we dish up. When they are done eating, they are supposed to ask to be excused, and then take their dishes to the counter and/or put them into the dw. We never have to work at having conversation, usually we have to try to stifle *too much* talking so they will get their eating done! (they all have their mother's gift of gab).
Melissa says: We also try to sit down all together for dinner. We start out eating a large salad (romaine lettuce, and every raw veggie I have had time to chop before the starving hordes arrive in the kitchen -- actually the kids help chop also -- which is nice because if they are really hungry they can snack and chop and I don't feel like they are ruining their dinner). This allows time for the rest of the meal to finish cooking and we can get things rolling (we have lots of late soccer and dance practices, so dinner sometimes isn't started until 7:30pm). I got so tired of repeating the mother mantra "don't talk with food in your mouth", or the other favorite "use your fork, not your fingers" that we implemented a system of fines. Each child was told to bring me one dollar. Even the two year old participated (she had money from birthdays, etc). I then gave each of them 20 nickels. These were placed in small containers at their place at the table. Another empty container was placed in the center of the table. All of our children know the rules (napkins in laps, feet in front of you, etc) If they choose not to follow the rules, all my dh or I have to say is "one nickel, please" and they know immediately they have been caught (of course, if they don't know what they did wrong we tell them). They place their nickel in the empty container. We had planned to use the money to go out to dinner with the family, but they improved so quickly that we were only able to make about 85 cents in three weeks! It is so much more pleasant to eat dinner with mannerly children! (I must admit, I had to contribute a nickel to the fund for talking with my mouth full!)
Lisa B. contributes: I can totally relate to hectic, quick, noisy, and not too relaxing mealtimes with very young children! Things are better now, but when my twins were babies, someone was always crying/whining or I was nursing one while cutting up food for someone else, feeding someone else, getting up for seconds, or for a new spoon, or washcloth, etc.--all the while trying to get a few bites in for myself! Pulling off a mealtime was a major accomplishment each day. Now that the twins are 2, we all sit around the dining room table and enjoy a meal and laugh and talk--but it is still a short meal--quick and to the point. No lingering around the table in extended conversation, since one of the toddlers is usually "done" pretty quickly and ready to head off to play with spaghetti covered hands and face! I am confident that mealtimes will become longer and more meaningful as the children get older. Here are a few suggestions that may help you in this area: 1. Try to come together as a family at the dinner table at least once a day. I think the important thing is to try to establish the *habit* of sitting together at mealtimes--even though the meal may be quick and not the perfect "Walton Family" picture you may have in mind! 2. No TV during mealtime! 3. Don't call the family to the table or put the baby in the highchair until the very last minute. Have the plates prepared, meat cut up, drinks poured, table set. That way, there is less time for someone to get cranky waiting for food or for other family members to arrive. (or to be done eating before others have even started!) 4. Have a family prayer before meals. This is a good habit to establish while the little ones are young. We usually say a simple memorized prayer that little ones can join in on. 5. My 2 year old twins sit on toddler stepstools (little Rubbermaid-type stepstools) setting on a regular dining room chair which function as booster chairs. Perhaps this could work for your 3 year old. 6. We sometimes do the "What was your favorite thing about today?" routine. For those old enough, it is a simple conversation starter. 7. Mom getting up and down at mealtime for various reasons is problematic--I haven't completely figured out how to resolve that one! However, we have a rule that no one gets seconds until Mom has firsts--that seems to help somewhat.
Well, that's all that comes to mind for now. Hang in there, and realize that more organized, meaningful mealtimes will come as your babies get a little bigger.
Dining Tables for Large Families We have stumbled on what has turned out to be the most functional dining table we have ever had. It is on loan to us from friends who are out of the country, but when they return, we will definitely replace it with the same (or just buy them a new one). It is a ping-pong (table tennis) table! We eat at it, do seatwork there, fold clothes, cut fabric, and, oh yeah, play ping-pong! It gives the boys incentive to finish all the work we do on it so they can play. And it rolls around and folds up very easily so we can move it if we need to (it stays put when all the legs touch the ground). Our garage is converted to a room and that is where we have it and where we do school, laundry, and eat. At first, it was so big (i think it is 4.5'x9'), we had to strategically place the longer armed kids just so we could hold hands when we pray! We still sit on folding chairs and milk crates, but someday I hope to have benches. I could make a nice table cloth for it, but for now, place mats are working fine. It has some sort of finish on it that protects it from liquid spills too. It is unconventional, but oh so practical! They retail for $88 at Wal-Mart.
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